melt your headache, call it home

To Do List

1. Wear shirt that says “Life.” Hand out lemons on street corner.
2. Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
3. Major in philosophy. Ask people WHY they would like fries with that.
4. Go into a crowded elevator and say, “I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here,” with a straight face.
5. Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.
6. Become a teacher. Make test where every answer is “C.” Enjoy the show.
7. Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell “It worked!” and run out cheering.
8. Buy a horse, name it “Oscar Takes the Lead,” enter it in horse races.
9. Invite someone into your office, turn around in office chair and say, “I’ve been expecting you…”
10. Change name to Simon. Speak in third person.
11. Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot.”
12. Follow joggers around in a car blasting “Eye of the Tiger” for encouragement.